Revive Your Wardrobe this Spring

There is one closet in my apartment. It is one of the drawbacks to living in an older home. I have still managed to fill this, 2 dressers, a wardrobe, and a few storage containers of Spring/ Summer or Winter/ Fall clothing (whichever seasons aren't happening).

I own a lot of things. A slightly embarrassing amount, really. But I have achieved it all economically. After moving to St. Louis, I got almost all of my clothes at The Scholarshop. Check them and their mission out here. Then I discovered the better Goodwills in town and let's not forget clearance racks.  

But lately (the past 3 years) I've been able to "shop" at clothing swaps around St. Louis. I've gotten more than my money's worth, have been able to completely change over what I own, and feel like a champion. 

Now, let it be said, I don't want to be a clothes hoarder. Before I ever go shopping, I comb through what I don't wear, or don't like anymore and discard. Only after that will I seek out "new to me" things.

Mostly I donate clothes to Revive Thrift Shop. It helps the Mission St. Louis JLT program, and I feel good about the work they are doing in my city.

Then there's the swaps. I am only familiar with 2 and really that's all I've needed to keep covered and layered up for every season.

I often go to Perennial's (and just went last weekend) held once or twice a year. (They also have a clothing swap for men and one for home goods!) 

And then there's the swap that was my introduction to the concept, The Covering House's Swap Till You Drop.  (The next one is April 18th!)

But let me explain something that happens to me at clothing exchanges. After a bit of milling around, surrounded by other people who are finding cute things and apologizing for bumping into strangers with their reusable bag, I start to get a little...frenzied. 

If you've ever been to the pay-by-the-pound Goodwill, you've seen this happen to a group of people. Swarming, territorial behavior that really someone should study and write a psychology paper about. (Someone do this for your thesis and dedicate it to me! It's a great idea.)

I feel it slowly start to well up in me.  It's an "I want that" mentality that springs to mind when a stranger pushes a hanger over revealing something that may or may not fit, and she starts to reach for it. Maybe I could grab it away. Maybe I could say "look over there" and distract her. Once I even thought of pulling a parka that looked as if it was made of hemp out of a person's over-stuffed bag. "She'd never miss it," I rationalized. I'm not Rastafarian, so why did I want it? Because I could have it.

This is the temptation of free things. It's easy to lose sight of what you need, want, and what is just questionable. I truly get into a bit of an alternate reality thinking. Whatever the reason, the proof is in my bag.

Once I get home from an exchange, I realize first, that I have more than I thought. Mostly I donate more than I take away, but it's still a bit surprising as I hoist it into my car. Then take out the things and spread them out at home so I know how to go about washing them. That is when it starts to dawn on me that, "maybe I shouldn't have brought this home."

I have a very loose concept of what I would wear at a clothing exchange. I won't be wasting my money and it's an opportunity to try something new with no regrets. This is how I came to try high waisted pants, crop tops, started my crochet cape collection, and learned about sweater skirts.

But I have also come away with other treasures like...

a belt with jungle beasts and bejeweled eyes
Nothing say fashion quite like elephants and panthers around your waist. Don't they look scared?

a power drill without bits 
Because sometimes you've got to fix stuff...or be almost ready to fix stuff.

These shoes 
Great for weddings where a certain former someone might be there. Of course he wasn't, and I almost died. 

a polyester vest with a yarn apple on it 
2-4 sizes too large and...why?

high waisted Wranglers that double as a corset. 

A shirt that says "chillin' like a villian" 
made for a child under the age of 5 (One you will immediately regret wearing when you bump into an ex. He didn't see the shoes; he saw a sweated up penguin t-shirt. Awesome.)

And it goes on.

If you want to revive your wardrobe this spring, do it. Follow these simple steps:

1.) Donate first at an organization you can get behind.

2.) Swap without regret. 

3.) Then after you get home see if you too brought home treasure or questionable items.

4.) Re-swap your questionable items...or

5,) Recycle your shouldn't be given away clothes at H&M. 

Did something come over you at your swap experience? Come away with something inexplicable? Not to worry! Tell me about it on the Facebook page. I want to hear about it. We can commiserate. 

Remember, Every Night is Ladies' Night

It was about 2 weeks ago that I declared to a complete stranger and a friend
"I hate ladies' nights."

This was not a good way to respond to an extended invitation to go out with some women later that week, yet there it was.

I'm not sure how this conversation went precisely, because memories are a tricky thing, but I can try to recreate what I believe truly happened.

Looks. 

Silence.

Me, instead of back peddling, charging forward.  

"I've been thinking about it and I don't know if I am going to find and meet a man, but I know where I am definitely not going to find him.

He isn't: 
1.) in my house (and if he is there, he's a creepy stalker) 
2.) at my parents' home or
3.) at a girls' night."


I think there was some feedback at this point, but the truth in my logic was finally finding words and I didn't stop.

I went on to explain that I keep getting invited to girls' nights by my women who are primarily married and dating. They want to hang out with all women. They get excited about these times, while I fight off mounting feelings of frustration or even anxiety when invited to one. For me, every night is ladies night. It's called going home.

When I unlock my apartment door I might as well yell inside "Welcome to ladies' night. WOOOOOO!!!"

Or really upon entering any establishment:

"Helloooo coffee shop. This lady has arrived, so the drinks are on me!"

Not sure how to respond to a "Let's do a girls' night!" I may respond with sound effects. Sound effects are highly open to interpretation and aren't exactly lies.

"Ohhhh"
"Eeeee" 
"MMMM"

What do those mean? It's up to the listener to decide.

What I am doing in that moment is doing mental math. I'm tallying up all the hours I will be surrounded in the land of women and all the money I spend in that world. And I am freaking out. "Nooooo. How am I going to ever find someone if I am spending all I have in this insular bubble?? I'm not. I'm just not! Men don't like to  go to wine painting parties. And I don't either!! I can't afford this." 

Meanwhile what I really want to do, if  not be with a significant other of my own, is hang out with BOTH sexes. Provide the opportunity to meet someone. To not sit around and hear about husbands and boyfriends or kids when they aren't around. I'd much rather be around all of them and get to know them.

Is this too honest for you?

With my wits about me I realize that it is nice to be invited to things. And I also see that possibly women who are requesting these events are striving to strike up balance in their lives. Possibly they are feeling an inequity in how their time and money is being spent. So much time around their spouse/ boyfriend/ kids is time not spent around other women.

So if that is sound, then logically it holds that the feelings that I am experiencing are equally valid and true. I have an over abundance of "girl time" with myself and 80-90% of my free time activities are spent with women and it's too much. I need something in the middle.

So, if you invite me to anything girly in the coming future, thank you. I'm grateful. But can we make it a Co-Ed night? Dinner party, poker, laser tag, dancing, bowling, movie, whatever??
Bring men, women, and children and we'll have a good time.

Where Do You Go with Your Artist's Heart?

Tonight I got the very wonderful experience of going to an enchanting studio space in Shaw neighborhood.
First of all, if you are not from St. Louis, you likely now have heard about Shaw neighborhood, the recent violence, protests, vigils and Ferguson October. This story, this coverage, this light shone on our prejudices and hate of my beloved city is heart rending.
And when my heart is rent, I need to condition it and coax it back into being whole.

This need for nurturing led me back to the Shaw neighborhood. [Isn't this how so many things go? You go to the painful place to help heal?] I lived on Shaw, worked at the corner of Tower Grove and McCree, dog sat near the corner of Klemm. For four wonderful years, this was home.

Here I was, at the place I had scouted out months ago not knowing what would be inside. I loved the outside sign, font, and name. If there is a such thing, I had shop window love at first sight, I had it. The only other time that has happened was when I saw Winslow's Home going in. And boy was I ever right about that place. And I was right again.

As it happens this window and once empty space I became smitten with while commuting to work turns out to be an artists studio. Union Studio has several artists' work and wares on display, while also providing them with place a to work. I happened to be there after learning about an open studio night. Show up and make things in this gorgeous space? Yes, please.

I met two of the artists, Mary Beth and Leah and after a little chatting was put to work--exactly what I needed. There was a cooked fiber(I don't recall the name, but it's not indigenous of North America) in a pot that one of the artists, Leah, showed me how to pull apart, reform, and flatten into a shape. She seemed concerned and apologetic for using me in this way. How do you tell a virtual stranger, "I can't control or shape anything else in life, let me have this thing?" Slow, methodical, tactile, this helps free my mind and spirit.

I kept at it for 2 hours. And we talked the sort of talk that you have when you're making, about St. Louis, the art scene here versus Kansas City, our backgrounds, the history of paper making, the art in the room and the stories behind the pieces. I'm not exaggerating when I say everything in Union Studio is art: soap, scarves, paper, the table, etc. Even the wet fibers  the ugly semi sticky masses I was mashing together, flattening into discs will turn into something translucent and beautiful.

It was a relief. To come out of the dark into a bright and inviting space to talk and to learn and to try. I recommend, if not here, that you try this "making" with your friends or find an artists guild and meet them.

Oh and guess what? I'm back to writing again. Surprise.

A Brave and Beautiful "No"

I tell myself I live frugally.  At times meagerly.  Truthfully, my income is less than many of my peers but I con myself into thinking, often thinking, I am deserving of more.
And in this entitled state I buy what I need or want.  Granted, I buy the cheaper version of whatever it is, be it a generic, on clearance, previously owned, etc.  Never-the-less I consume and create a large cache.

I've become aware of this trend.  It's a stealthy mindset, being deserving, craving more.   I spot it in my heart on occasion, seeing it like spotting something in my preferential vision.

But I have a trick to spotting it full on, to freeze, and to examine it empirically.

How?
I have started strategically, in the bathroom, where so  many of my days wind up and down.

Here, in the bathroom, I take stock of things.  Not in a compulsive sort of way, but as a way to push back on my voice when it says, "I need," because this voice can be true, and it can be false.

"I need face wash," it might say.

"Oh really?  Let's go see."

And this is what I found.  (Three other bottles didn't make it into the frame).

Clearly my "need" vanished facing this.

"I need nail polish" it might say.

"Do you need that?  Let's take a look."

And then I look at my inventory of goods.
"Nope.  You  have 20 bottles of nail polish.  You don't need more."

This line of inquiry and resistance is productive and real.
It also gets to the very real question of "why."  Why do I say I need when I clearly don't?
What is consuming and commercialism hiding?

More often than not, my need masks a desire to change without working; instead I varnish the surface and neglect the core of who I am, which is ultimately cowardice.

And bit by bit I know what I have and don't and enact voluntary embargoes with myself.  Like no buying new face wash for 30 days.  I'm 1.5 months into this one and still quite well stocked.

So I spy on myself, catch the thoughts with sidelong glances, test my motives, and finally, say a brave and beautiful no.
Saying no can nourish.

“Most of the time nowadays we human beings are referred to as consumers. What does the consumer think? What does the consumer want? How ugly. Forest fires consume. Cancer consumes. I want us to be nourishers.” ~Madeline L'Engle

How to Put a Cork in it: DIY Necklace

It's Summer.  I'm 2 days into break and am already blitzing through projects that have been on my list for at least a year.

Here's one that's been on the bottom of my list for far too long: make a necklace using these corks.
I love the texture, so when I found them in a vintage science kit, I grabbed them up.

  

I proceeded to neglect the corks for about 2 years, until last night.  I was itching to do something creative and my other projects (mostly things involving paint) need time to cure.  In an effort to cultivate patience I set up to make a necklace instead. 

First I found my sewing kit.  It was a present from Erin, who owns Yellow Bird Gifts.  Check her out! 

    

I also located 2 pieces of felt from a failed felt Peter Pan collar necklace that I attempted to make a little bit ago.  I laid out the corks on the fabric to see if it could work.  And it did!  

Waste not; want not.   

 

I used a safety pin to poke holes in each cork.  You could do this with a needle to save some steps, but I didn't want to risk bending a sewing needle.  

Then because the corks have a rustic texture, I marked each hole with straight pins so I wouldn't lose all of the holes I'd made.  I thought they looked pretty.

Because they do.

Then came the not so pretty part. I sewed the corks to the felt in the arrangement I'd planned.  I used upholstery thread because it was the closest color to that of the cork that I had.  I stitched as much behind the corks as possible, because I didn't want them to be very visible. 

This led to and irregular stitches and a very messy look. 

After stitching and securing each cork, I tacked on ribbon on the ends.  I could have also attached a chain, but I wanted to keep the media down to wood and cloth.

The good thing about a failed Peter Pan collar is that there are two pieces that failed and are identical.

I stitched the second piece over the foundation felt to help the necklace look more polished.

Polished is a relative term, I know because I'm clearly wearing corks.    But it works! 

Everything Falls in the Toilet: a Weekend Project & Solution

I have a bathroom problem.
There is terrible little space.
The area between sink, toilet, medicine cabinet, and radiator is minimal.  Inches.
And my habits in getting ready in the morning render opening the medicine cabinet difficult.
See?

On multiple occasions I have dropped important things in the toilet.
My toothbrush, for instance.
The replacement toothbrush, for another.

Understandably, I dislike fishing things out, which means I needed to come up with a way to contain makeup and toiletries that isn't on a very narrow ledge.

And here my solution has been staring at me for months.

Enter tea canisters.  

I love these tins, and in fact I love all boxes, so I greatly increased my tea intake to warrant purchasing more.

Bravo tea company, you got me.

Now I thought on my problem this morning and realized have many many empty tins (about 8).

I imagined a few different ways to suspend, elevate, the tins this morning.  One thought involved tension rods (it didn't go well on the test run) another 3M hooks.  

Apartment living, and trying to do no harm to keep your security deposit sure does help 3M doesn't it? Remind me to get their prospectus this summer to check stock options. 

I decided some discrete tea cup hooks would work best.  The holes (if properly placed) won't show up in an inspection. 

One of the good things about me being me is, I had everything I needed already:
An imagination.
A surplus of tins.
Hooks.
Nails.
A Hammer.

Do you have those?  Good... let's get started.

First I drove a nail through each tin.  I poked about 3 holes per tin and you will need the metal to be up against a hard surface, if it isn't the sides will dent.  I decided to nail it on the back porch to utilize the crack in the boards.

The hole (if you are poking out) will make the metal around the hole sharp.  File it down if you have kids or are prone to accidents. 

Then I drove a nail in the medicine cabinet shelf to make twisting the hook relatively simple.  Depending on the wood, you may need to use pliers.  

Make sure that the hook will clear the wall when twisting before starting the hole.  It may seem like I am talking down to you, but even if your spacial skills are keen pretend to rotate the hook first, then start the hole.  Trust me. 

If you've made the hole in the tin 1.) large enough and 2.) close enough to the top to accommodate the hook, you're in business.  Everything is smooth sailing from here on.

Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.


And 25 minutes later, if you got distracted by texts, making coffee, or misplacing your hammer multiple times (it happens) you should be done.

I gave this a vote of confidence and then stood on the toilet to show you how logistically this is a difficult bathroom setup.

I can open my cabinet now!

Harney & Sons, you have been instrumental in helping me get organized and stay sanitary.
I salute you.

Adding Beauty

I woke up feeling brittle today.
Sad is a better easily defined feeling word, but brittle, able to break easily says it better.

I wandered around my apartment, read, moved one strange thing: a single bead, a paperclip, a glove, a power drill, from one unlikely spot to another.

And then I heard my good friend's voice in my head.  It's what she says to me after I've been dumped.  Yes, she's developed a line for that.

How will you put beauty into the world today?

Indeed.  How?
I wandered around more and out onto my back porch and spied my wall.
It's been heavily pooped on lately, because some black birds have nested and are in a family way there.

Sadness. Determining to end, halt, delete, or bypass it typically doesn't work.  It leaves a void.  And sadness is a kind of void, so the antidote isn't in cessation.

What seems to have a lasting impact is the manner I address sadness.
Shifting my thoughts toward beauty means then that I can add and contribute.
It assumes I am worthy and capable.
It says, you can do this.

But how?
The poop gave me an idea of what to do.


It also reminded me Madeline L'Engle's book A Two Part Invention.  In it she writes:

I come across four lines of Yeats and copy them down:
But love has pitched her mansion in 
The place of excrement;
For nothing can be sole or whole
That has not be rent.

The place of excrement...How do we walk through excrement and keep clean in the heart?  How do we become whole by being rent?

I had a thought on how, found my flower pot sidewalk chalk, and set to work.

A flower pot of sidewalk chalk?  Yes.
Again, I have unlikely things in unlikely spots all over my apartment.

I set to work and clearly I am not able to do Mary Poppin's worthy sidewalk art, but the exercise broke into some of my thoughts, which was the point.

Here is my wall of doodles.  My chalk is at the ready and is now stationed outside for the next time.


Now, dear readers,
How will you put beauty into the world today?"

How do you "keep clean in the heart?"

An Adopted Family that Stays Together

I would like to preface this post by saying, I love my family.  My mom, my dad, my brother and I are very close in all senses of that word.  I turn to them in times of trouble and times of joy,
but this post is not about them.

Not everyone has the benefit and blessing that is a close biological family,
and that is a shame.

But I have another family that I'd like to tell you about today.

I have friends that I consider to be family.  We have been there for each other over the years and have survived a lot of joys, sorrows and have remained intact.

When we are all together, I often sit back and pull out of the moment and start trying to figure out how this came to be.  I have no idea how my face looks in these moments, quizzical no doubt.
Especially lately I wonder, even aloud, how did I get these people?

And I mean this not as a criticism to myself or to them.  It's a compliment.
This is an astounding bunch of people.

Such a wide span of knowledge and interests.
So many dreams, aspirations, talents, adventures, and accomplishments.
So many different employers and specialties:
The St. Louis Zoo, Boeing, The Covering House, NISA, the VA Hospital, Wash U, Juniper, etc.

One way that this particular branch of my family tree came to be was at one point in time we all were part of the same Community Group, which is similar to a Bible Study.  A lot of us have gone our different ways, but to keep in touch we've started having Family Dinner every 2 weeks.

It doesn't matter if I am sweaty with no makeup, had a horrible or great day, or am running early or late.  By the time I get to dinner, it doesn't disappear, but I am in a safe place.  It's like declaring sanctuary against the world, which feels so good.  Don't we all long to do that?

This week at the table we discussed All the Things as usual.
From Indian food, to Zoo stories (one of my favorite parts of any dinner), to travel, to the Old Testament linking it to the gospel, the St. Louis Beard and Mustache Club, fermentation, raising chickens, where to get nutritional yeast, and the highlight of our friend's year, since it was her birthday.  It's deeply inspiring to hear how they spend their days and live life.

And as I said before, not everyone is blessed with a wonderful biological family.  And not everyone has the benefit of a vibrant support of an adopted geographic family.
But you can get one.

It took work though, and it takes time.  Now it takes planning, because as much as I love my friends, our interests and schedules are so diverse that we don't bump into each other without mapping it out.  (Or maybe it would intersect for me if I would start indoor rock climbing...but, NO.)

I do know that the first step to getting friends is to have the courage to say, "Hey, we should be friends."
I have had the best relationships sprout from this simple sentence.

And the another tip is to have the presence of mind to notice when you miss them and to reject that.  It seems so simple to say and mean, "Hey, I miss you.  Let's fix that," and then make a time right then to see each other; it takes watchfulness to identify and rectify.

I can share more about how to cultivate and be open to friendships, because it has taken so much time and tries and failures and successes over years and years to better get a handle on what it is to have and be a friend, but I won't do that here now.

Instead, for today, in the middle of Spring Break, I am glad to say:
I have a family of friends in the city I love, and I am ever so grateful.



*It is also extremely important to mention that there are even more family members to speak of outside of this branch that shares meals together.  It's just easier to speak of one group rather than the many individuals I love.

Fashion Challenge: Pretzel and Mustard

When I need a change (and who doesn't need a change in a "Lion-esque March") I crave new stimulation.
One thing I have found to shake things up a bit without really changing anything is turning my wardrobe into a game.

I pick a color, pattern, or item for inspiration, and then using only the clothes I already own, I construct 4-5 work appropriate outfits.

This week, I decided to dress like a Pretzel with Mustard.
Weird right?  Perhaps I'm craving starches.
I loved the color combo of brown, cream, and mustard.  And my closet did not disappoint.  It had many options for me to choose from.

What does that look like?  Here's some of what I came up with:

  

brown vintage 2-piece suit (jacket + skirt) given to me by Erin from Kat's closet

  

bow necklace from a yard sale (reminds me of the twist in a pretzel)

Oxford-ish shoes with mustard tights (Sholarshop + Target) 

  

high waisted pants with lace cropped top (both thrifted) 

 

dotted flats (reminds me of salt) from Target

               

                             mustard chunky scarf with lace top      button earrings in a rodent shape
                                made by my lovely friend, Kelsey       made my my lovely friend, Erin

 

            thick corduroy (it takes courage to wear these!)                 amber brown earrings
                                                                                          The Covering House's clothes exchange

It was so fun getting dressed, using what I had, and tapping into my creativity!
There are practical benefits beyond "playing" with my look.
For starters, the rule "don't buy anything" helps me check my impulse to buy things I don't need and seek shopping as an outlet for  ____(boredom, dissatisfaction, etc.)
Another is, it is eye opening to how much I have.  When I have "nothing to wear" and yet 5 different outfits designated to 3 random colors.  Clearly, I have a lot.  And instead of wanting more, I need to be grateful.
This is, at it's heart, an exercise in satisfaction and gratitude.

So those are the practical heart-matter sides.
Now I want to know, do you ever play with your wardrobe like this?

Carpe Clichè! a Snow Day Observed

That's right, it's yet another snow day in St. Louis.  Not quite a "called off of work" snow day, but one that kept me snowed in from attending services (all were canceled at my church).
And yes, if you are keeping tabs, I had to stay in anyway as I am contagious to society due to my strep throat.

However, that did not prevent me from having a wonderfully clichè day indoors.  

I will write about it as if I did not take multiple naps and breaks to rest from my activity.

I kicked off the day by reading for hours.  I have 2 books on my night stand/ coffee table.  They rotate between the two locations because when I am sick (for whatever reason) I sleep on the couch.

a timely read

because I'm stir crazy

The reason is I like to feel like I'm snug and since my cat won't spoon me, and my bed is too big, the couch steps up.

Then there was following the nurse practitioner's orders like: sanitize everything and throw out toothbrush. This was followed by folding laundry and rediscovering my socks.

And for my last ubiquitous snowy day act, I intend to make French Toast for the very first time.
You read correctly I have not made French Toast before.  

Which meant I needed to round up some recipes.
(Or it really meant I wanted an excuse to indulge my food photography craving.)

These are in my top 5...which expanded into 6 or 7:

1.) A Beautiful Mess: Peaches and Cream Stuffed French Toast

Credit: A Beautiful Mess

2.) Smitten Kitchen: Cinnamon Toast French Toast

Credit: Smitten Kitchen

3.) Smitten Kitchen: Boozy Baked French Toast

Credit: Smitten Kitchen

4.) Sprouted Kitchen: Buttermilk French Toast

Credit: Sprouted Kitchen

5.) Spoon Fork Bacon: Banana Bread French Toast

Credit: Spoon Fork Bacon

6.) Spoon Fork Bacon: Baked Apple Cinnamon French Toast

Credit: Spoon Fork Bacon 

7.) Any French Toast recipe by Tartine  

Credit: Tartine Bakery & Cafe

I am enjoying being completely content and unoriginal.  I hope the same for you.  

Now may your clichè day be seized!