I woke up feeling brittle today.
Sad is a better easily defined feeling word, but brittle, able to break easily says it better.
I wandered around my apartment, read, moved one strange thing: a single bead, a paperclip, a glove, a power drill, from one unlikely spot to another.
And then I heard my good friend's voice in my head. It's what she says to me after I've been dumped. Yes, she's developed a line for that.
How will you put beauty into the world today?
I wandered around more and out onto my back porch and spied my wall.
It's been heavily pooped on lately, because some black birds have nested and are in a family way there.
Sadness. Determining to end, halt, delete, or bypass it typically doesn't work. It leaves a void. And sadness is a kind of void, so the antidote isn't in cessation.
What seems to have a lasting impact is the manner I address sadness.
Shifting my thoughts toward beauty means then that I can add and contribute.
It assumes I am worthy and capable.
It says, you can do this.
The poop gave me an idea of what to do.
It also reminded me Madeline L'Engle's book A Two Part Invention. In it she writes:
I come across four lines of Yeats and copy them down:
But love has pitched her mansion in
The place of excrement;
For nothing can be sole or whole
That has not be rent.
The place of excrement...How do we walk through excrement and keep clean in the heart? How do we become whole by being rent?
I had a thought on how, found my flower pot sidewalk chalk, and set to work.
A flower pot of sidewalk chalk? Yes.
Again, I have unlikely things in unlikely spots all over my apartment.
I set to work and clearly I am not able to do Mary Poppin's worthy sidewalk art, but the exercise broke into some of my thoughts, which was the point.
Here is my wall of doodles. My chalk is at the ready and is now stationed outside for the next time.
Now, dear readers,
How will you put beauty into the world today?"
How do you "keep clean in the heart?"