How to NOT Wait by the Phone

We've all played the waiting game at one time or another, staring at a land line or cell phone willing it to ring or vibrate. Be it for the doctor calling with test results, the verdict on the job you interviewed for or the fulfillment of the "I'll call you" promise, it's downright uncomfortable.

I've been in each of these scenarios, but the most frequently occurring for me is waiting to see what a guy meant when he said he'd be in touch.

I have come to conclude (without criticism), that often a guy will say "I'll call you"  when he really means "please get out of my car, now." This seems to be the simplest way to get me to go away. I can't say that I fault the men-folk who have promised a call in the past and not honored it. I wonder if they thought I would burst into tears or refused to get out if they had simply said the truth, which is: "Yeah, let's never do this again. Ever." All this translates to is that I never know what will happen after stepping out of the car.

Often I catch myself creating elaborate stories to explain the silence. I try them on one after another like I'm shoe shopping.
Maybe he was caught in a hold up at the bank and is the only hostage still inside.
Perhaps there was a family emergency and he is fine, but grandma? Well...
He's somehow dramatically injured and whispers to a friend that they need to make a call to a girl, but they don't understand his gibberish.
After trying out a few of these scenarios, I know I have gone a bit batty. Perhaps it's a bit romantic to kill off a potential leading man or to put him in harms way, but also it's really morose and twisted.  Essentially this line of thought says, "I like you enough to fantasize your death as a plausible reason for you not contacting me; this collateral damage is superior to thinking you were lying."
Not good.

What I do know is the waiting game is full of wasted time, emotional energy and fantastical deadly stories, and I'd rather just re-channel all of it.

Here's what I've come up to do instead of waiting for technology to beckon me to converse... or not.
You should try some.

1.) Do something you typically put off.

For me that means either painting my nails and or shaving my legs.
How do girls do these things consistently?
Both take way too much time. And wet nails are essentially a prison sentence. I can't not use my hands, so it's always a mess.

2.) Go on a walk and find things.

While on a long ramble, I found this rock. It told me to turn it over,

and I was in a listening mood, so I did,

and I gave it some relief.


3.) Begin a series of hilarious pranks.
This is Yolanda the pregnant (and formally naked) paper mache yogi. I discovered her after she'd been kicked out of her home. Perhaps she was banished for being with child. Since the time I found her, she's been outfitted and passed along from friend to friend.

 

This week she baked cookies for a friend and delivered them in person.

I plan to write Yolanda a genesis story sometime in the near future.


4.) Write a blog post about not waiting by the phone. 

See what I did here? Yeah? Enough said.



5.) Put your phone somewhere where you can't see it and dance.

Really dance. And shoot, sing too. No one will see or hear and you'll feel better because that's how we were wired.

Be who you are, singing and dancing on the earth. When you do that, a phone, ringing or silent is of little importance.

Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.” 

― Rumi

How to Buy a SmartPhone at a Brick and Mortar Part 1

This is a series of events that really happened. It is a 2 part tale...at least.
Today I went to a cell phone store.  It has been my 3rd visit between December 18th to present.
My phone has been due for an upgrade since November and because my current phone's back has been missing for 3 months; it was time.
In November of 2011, I got a phone with texting capabilities, and it changed (perhaps forever) the way I communicate.  My 2014 upgrade I wanted more of the same.  Not faster speed. Not the Internet.

(As a side note I am opposed on at least 2 fronts for having a Smart Phone.  One is the philosophical opposition about society and our lack of connection which is enabled/ worsened by technology.  The second is one of fear.  I wonder how I will react to having instant gratification and knowledge at my fingertips, and if I have enough of whatever it takes to let myself wonder, think, remember, and forget.)

These qualms I hold up next to the knowledge that this technology is what the world has embraced, businesses and people alike.  I wonder if resistance is futile and if I should instead learn to take the technology and mold it to my terms and values.)

Reconciling my feelings over several months, I decided to take the next step.  After gathering recommendations from friends I went to the AT&T store prepared.  Preparedness being a relative term, because how can a person be prepared and enter into an environment that's layout, delivery of information, seating is designed with confusion in mind?

Would you like to know what was in my survival kit?   Hint: the opposite of technology.

A hardback of David Sedaris' Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls
Several pens
My composition notebook
An old school calculator
Lipstick and gum (They don't hurt when you need to get good service.)

I shook Jon's hand, introduce myself while hearing piped in dance mix music that's a little too loud for conversational speech.  I let him lead me to a high top table with seats that are not quite stools and not really chairs.  If you sit down incorrectly, you can swivel right off. Believe me.

I was direct and asked many specific price point driven questions, took notes, made a grid and after what seemed like hours had Jon very flummoxed himself.  He was doing a whole-handed face rub.  I always interpret this as someone holding back what they want to say and massaging it out and off until they have to do it again to remain composed.

Poor Jon.  I wasn't cooperating with the script.
But this was going better than the second to last time I had gone in, when I told the sales rep that he had made me very confused.  That I was going home.  And I was going to do research on my own.

But dear reader, this is not a complaining piece, because my time in the store took a positive turn.
While Jon was crunching numbers, and I was asking about the final bill and resisting the "value plan" he started to talk about not phone things.

I am not saying that at any point I was treating this man shabbily, I wasn't.  In fact I was apologetic for having him run so many numbers and for my asking so many questions.  I even told him a time or two, "I am not asking this because I don't trust you, I just don't know that I trust this plan is what it seems like."

I am fairly certain changing our dialogue helped him as well, from a non-verbal standpoint it did, but it absolutely helped me put in perspective that this was a person doing his job, was doing it well, and doing it as he'd been trained.

I don't recall which of these things happened first.
One was, "I don't think of myself as a retail person."
The other was, "Oh that was awkward.  That's my ex's brother who just walked by."
But both of his statements were completely humanizing.
I was able to respond with, "I was horrible in retail.  I only lasted 2 days."
And, "Oh him? He felt awkward too.  I saw his face.  Don't worry, there's glass between you."

Had this been a team building exercise these exchanges would have gotten us back on track.  Because we were working towards a common goal.  And we've had common experiences.

By the end of my time buying said phone I was solidly on team Jon.  We were laughing.  I got to see pictures of his dogs.  I had ditched trying to use the chair and was standing to help me feel more grounded and stable.
I felt comfortable with my phone decisions and I left.
All because he let me realize that yes, he was working in a huge retail store, but he is a person.
Isn't it interesting that in the midst of my internal dilemma about technology and in the center of a phone store, I had a pure example of what it means to put down phones, learn, and relate to each other?
This is what I crave.  This is what I want to protect.  This is what I want to remember.  People are everywhere.  And we can connect.